It has come to our attention that today is the day when leading organizations in the technology industry offer exclusive deals to savvy shoppers, perceptive purchasers, and cunning clientele.
All alliteration aside (ah! I did it again!), the technology team will not be outdone! A day known to all and sundry as “Cyber Monday” definitely resides within our chosen field of expertise… probably. Pay no attention to the fact that we aren’t a for-profit business, or salespeople, and lack a background in marketing. We’ve seen commercials, we’ve purchased things, that practically makes us sales experts, right?
Enclosed you will find directions and details on devastating deals!
Sam Ketchum can be found in the High school, starting today. He will be offering tech support to users at that location. Act quickly, and for every tech issue he assists you with, he will create two more absolutely free of charge! Wait, no, we don’t want that… instead, he will give out free tech tips and keyboard shortcuts!
But wait! There’s more!
Chris Ketchum has just set up at Prairie Creek. For a limited time, visitors will get free smiles just for stopping by! (One smile per person per visit. Not available outside the continental United States. While supplies last. No refunds, returns or exchanges. Market cash valuation of smile is .0000001 USD)
I know what you’re thinking… two Ketchums for the price of one?? You must be crazy! Well, you’re absolutely right, but we aren’t stopping there:
Charlie Braun has established an electronics emporium at Prairie Point. All repairs completed by him will be autographed free of charge, incalculably increasing its value! Broken screen? the new one will be signed, front and center— oh yeah, that would impede vision of the screen wouldn’t it. Instead, visitors will be given a personalized tour of the tech office at Point. For your own safety, keep all arms and legs inside the office while touring.
Angela Sleeper is located in the District Tech Office. The first one hundred callers will receive the honor of knowing they got to talk to Angela before the second hundred callers could! Act quickly or you might miss out!
…Alright, so perhaps offering cyber Monday deals isn’t our strength. Assisting you with your tech needs, however, is! So if you find your computer not computing right, your projector not projecting, your emails not sending and/or possessed by the ghosts of Christmas… whatever the case may be, stop in to see your nearest computer tech or email us collectively at
We’ll make your computers project, your projectors print, and your printers compute in short order! (Not really. If you witness any of the aforementioned, bring it to our attention immediately because something is probably going horribly wrong)
Thanks, and have a great day!